Waiter, about to reveal that the poor groom’s bride is a whore: Oh you haven’t heard?
the number of people making comments on this post about how there’s nothing wrong with being a whore is far too high like i’m not trying to shame people who are promiscuous or sex workers this is a fucking reference to a song and if you dont understand the reference dont reblog with some idiotic trying too hard to be progressive shit its literally a joke about a lyric from a song it was never, and never will be, that fucking deep. if you dont get the reference literally just shut up and dont reblog this post oh my god
by fall out boy
I dont know what’s funnier the people getting offended because they don’t get the panic reference or the people getting offended because they don’t get the fall out boy joke
Comprehension of this post is what defines the Millennial / Gen Z generational boundary.
factual info you could probably Wikipedia but are too lazy to do so: Yuzuru Hanyu is a Japanese figure skater from Sendai, born 7 December 1994 who competes in the men’s singles discipline.
japanese media (esp in sendai) basicallyfilmed him growing up and called hima young prodigyso we’re lucky to get footage of chipmunk-cheeked yuzu with his (flying) mushroom hair
he was interviewed in ice rink sendai with japan’s other figure skating gold medallist shizuka arakawa. to quote, when asked “can you become a gold medallist too?”, he said “probably”. and then he went and did exactly that.
he would get into fights with his rinkmates, used to ball up skate rink magazine flyers to hit like a baseball and basically had a 5min attention span after which he would get bored
he also remained top 5 in his class academically while competing internationally during high school and does online education at waseda university, which is one of the most prestigious universities in Japan (this kid was away the day God handed out laziness and procrastination I s2g)
yuzuru was a victim of the 2011 Japanese earthquake and tsunami and lived in an emergency shelter with his family for about a week. spent the summer afterwards skating 60 different ice shows to raise money for the victims. he lost his home rink because of the earthquake and so would go to the show rinks early to practice ):
it’s heartbreaking that he’s still very affected by the memories. he’s said he doesn’t take anything for granted and is always grateful to have a rink to skate on, and the impact he had on the survivors had a profound effect on his skating
just before the Olympic medal ceremony, yuzuru cried after javi told him this would be his last olympics and saying ‘no I can’t do it without you’ wow I didn’t need my heart or anything today
the only person who has the ability to make him lose focus: his forever-idol evgeni plushenko (now in motion)
probably the only asian boy who willingly opted for a bowl cut
It is REALLY IMPORTANT to acknowledge that the main reason for fan heart attacks is because he’s dealt with a distressing number of injuries, illnesses and misfortunes in his skating life but has somehow managed to come back and succeed in spite of them
a really scary accident that happened at cup of china 2014 and he decided to skate anyway because he wanted to qualify for the Grand Prix Final (which he then went on to win) and he really should not have been allowed to but he…….did that > <;
he then came back a month later to win the Grand Prix Final for the 2nd year in a row
important to note he skated his iconic chopin/seimei 2015 grand prix final programs WITH THAT INJURY
but then he came back and won the world championships in Helsinki in 2017
he missed almost the entire 2017-2018 olympic season he severely injured his ankle while practising the 4Lz in practice at the NHK Trophy, while recovering from a fever
is making his comeback from injury either at the pyeongchang team event or potentially yolo-ing it and going just for the individual event, we have no idea, we just know heart attacks are imminent
he skipped the team event and made his COMEBACK SKATE FROM INJURY after 3 months of no competitions at the individual mens event of the pyeongchang olympics…. AND FRIKKIN WON HIS SECOND OLYMPIC GOLD(the medal is also the 1000th Winter Olympics medal in history because destiny rewards those who are the Most Extra - see below for more)
is proficient at disappearing like a ninja and subjecting his fans to radio silence for months on end, usually bc he injured himself ))):
I cannot emphasise HOW FRIKKIN #YOLO HIS 2018 OLYMPIC SEASON WAS. this was the medal he wanted his ENTIRE LIFE and he had a carefully thought out plan that LITERALLY BEGAN AFTER HE WON THE GOLD IN SOCHI, which was adjusted due to the truly distressing number of injuries, illnesses and misfortunes he sustained during the last quad (his Olympic athlete profile has PARAGRAPHS dedicated to all his injuries - and note these are only the post-2014 ones).
but he had a plan, involving new quads, which was, once again, thrown out the window when he sustained the injury in NHK, which was much more severe than he first thought. he sat out of competition for 3mths despite hoping to return first at Japanese Nationals and then to the Pyeongchang team event.
yuzuru made his comeback from injury debut at the individual men’s event, aka. the BIG DEAL, after marching into the airport like a BOSS. we were told he had only recovered his 3A (triple axel) 3 weeks ago and his quads 2 weeks ago, but post-Olympics, he’s slowly revealing that it was even more dire than that.
WR for highest short program and total program score and he’s gonna bring them both back and try to surpass them for the Olympic season because he wasn’t already under enough pressure………
hope and legacy FS at Worlds 2016/17 where he came back from 5th place in the short program to win the free and break his own world record yet again (annotated version)
Jumped and landed his first 4Lz in competition at the Rostelecom Cup 2017 and now has landed 4 types of quads in competition (4T, 4S, 4Lo and 4Lz) and people around him have uttered the words ‘4A’ (which no one has ever even successfully landed) as a potential future possibility
has remained at number one in the world standings for the entire olympic cycle since 2013 despite aforementioned heart-attack-inducing injuries and illnesses
really obsessed with earphones and has like 50 pairs, many of which are custom-made and cost over $1000. he gets really excited about sound quality & bonds with sound technicians over their headphones. basically it’s the only thing he talks about when interviewers want to know what he likes to do in his spare time
that and play games in his room by himself
he’s hyper-competitive about games too
is this a surprise at this point
he’s basically a shut in when he’s not on the ice rink, in competition or at an ice show. he is not v exciting
BUT HE WON THE GOLD MEDAL AND THE MENS EVENT WAS - FOR THE MOST PART - PRETTY DAMN BRILLIANT, especially given all the disasters that happened…….so I recommend watching it all. ; __ ;
okay so like. there are some things in this world i don’t know how to describe in words that are also incredibly rare and therefore it’s hard ever to convey what you mean unless you either a) witness it or b) the internet finally exists to make you privy to it but this particular photo of chris hemsworth and taika waititi:
represents exactly what i mean when i talk about how hard i am for this new trend of Softe Platonic™ m/m friendship in the entertainment industry like there’s nothing intended by it other than to show the world how easily men ought to be able to love one another and be affectionate in a tactile way in whatever context and i think it’s such a fucking valuable movement in the crusade against toxic masculinity
